Of Gnomes and Respectable Hobbit
by Trucbiduleschouettes
Summary: Bilbo Baggins wakes up one morning to find three unwanted guests in his garden... Hobbit/Fairytale kinda AU


Bilbo was a Hobbit of many secrets. So was everybody in the Shire, if you thought about it, but a respectable Hobbit knew how to hide them properly.

And a respectable Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins was. Or at least, he liked to believe he was though it was slightly questionable if you knew happened to catch him badmouthing his annoying relative when he though nobody was listening, or again when he discreetly gave his tomatoes a "little push" with some forbidden ingredients to make sure they will won first prize.

The latest oddity that one could find at Bag End was the gnomes. They first appeared on a breezy October morning, as Bilbo forced himself to fight an already lost battle against the East Wind to rattle the dead leaves away from his vegetables.

His big nose turning red and sore even though it was protected by a thick, handmade knitted scarf, Bilbo was cursing the stormy weather when something hard blocked his tool. Wondering if it had hit a rock, he kneeled next to a particularly large pumpkin, curious… and yelped in pain as something pointy pricked him between the eyes.

"What on middle earth…?" He said to himself as he pulled out what looked like the tiniest arrow he had ever seen. But his confusion only grew as he heard a quiet, angry voice shout from behind the pumpkin:

"Kili, be careful! This creature isn't dead, yet!"

"Another arrow, and he will be, Uncle!" Said another quiet voice, though this one sound almost enthusiastic.

Bilbo liked having guests at home just like the next Hobbit, but not when those were unexpected, especially not on a cold Friday morning. And as his patience grew thin –he just wanted to go back inside and eat his second breakfast after all- our respectable Hobbit grabbed the pumpkin and raised it in the air to see who is little unwanted invaders were.

And how little they were! Surprised, Bilbo accidentally dropped the huge vegetable on the three garden gnomes that had been hiding there.

"Oh oh…" He whispered as the strange creatures yelled as they were crushed under the pumpkin. Cautiously, Bilbo pushed it away and leaned closer to the three gnomes now lying in the dirt, not sure if he was mostly annoyed or just curious.

"You!" The seemingly oldest man shouted, brandishing the tiniest sword Bilbo had ever seen, "How dare you attempt to our lives!"

"I beg your pardon?" Bilbo said, avoiding the blade that was trying to poke him in the eye. "I meant no harm, so would you please just leave me and my garden alone, thank you very much!"

And with a slightly crossed expression as the three gnomes began to climb on his furry feet and attack him, he grabbed them by the collar and threw them as far away as possible.

"Go bother Lobelia Sackville-Baggins! Her garden is already infested by her nasty personality anyway!" Bilbo shouted before going back inside his house and sitting by the fire, grumbling about gnomes and the rudeness of the tiny creatures.

Still, once his bad temper calmed down, Bilbo felt a bit remorseful about throwing the three men away; a proper Hobbit would have at least offer them some tea and biscuits before politely leading them to the exit.

"Oh, bugger! They shouldn't have try to attack me in the first place." Bilbo said aloud, trying to ignore the pouring rain that had begun to fall and how the gnomes must be all soaked wet and dirty by now.

Luckily for him, Bilbo was offered a second chance as the next morning, he found the gnomes stubbornly back into his garden, armed to the teeth and calling him a foe for daring to attack members of the royal family.

Thinking it was a joke, Bilbo found himself laughing and picking up the three little men to bring them inside while being nastily stabbed by their blades and arrows.

"Will you quit this, or I will not provide you some food and warm tea!" He threatened them and the youngest one looked at him with stars in his eyes at the mention of food. He was also the most eager one eating as Bilbo watched them feasting on his lemon biscuits, though the two others kept glancing at him suspiciously.

"If you promise to behave properly, I will let you stay for the day." Bilbo said and the oldest one looked at him suspiciously before agreeing and so Bilbo found himself making the tiniest and cosiest bed ever out of his nightstand drawer.

"Thank you Mister Hobbit for providing us shelter and food." The grumpy gnome said with a bow. "I, Thorin Oakenshield, will make sure to thank you kindly for your gesture."

Bilbo laughed and wished the three of them goodnight, thinking that his three little guests were quite adorable now that they were all clean and sneering quite loudly for their size.

And as morning came, Bilbo found himself unable to chase them away from his cosy Hobbit home.

"You can stay until they day grow warmer." He announced, and the gnomes seemed satisfied with his decision. "In exchange, you can protect my garden from certain bugs and weeds."

"We will not fail our mission, Mister Baggins." Thorin said with a bow; he had been calling Bilbo by his name since breakfast after asking to know how to address their host.

"I put all my faith in you." Bilbo assured him, hiding his grin behind his cup.

"Kili, Fili; I entrust you to assure Mister Baggins' vegetables' safety." Thorin said to his nephews.

And so our respectable Hobbit found himself sharing his welcoming house with three unlikely friends for the first time since his dear parents' death, decades ago.

What he didn't know was that Thorin hadn't lie, and the three men were indeed of royal blood; they were actually dwarves from the mighty kingdom of Erebor that Thorin would lead once his father the king will be no more.

Alas, the prince and his nephews had been cursed one day by an evil man, and as seasons passed, the three of them were turning more and more into garden gnomes until one day they will be as cold and lifeless as stone; the only way to break their curse was for someone to show them love before the curse was complete.

Months before they found themselves in our dear Bilbo's garden, they had made the acquaintance of a funny old wizard, Gandalf the Gray, who had promised them he knew how to help them and so they had travelled through Middle Earth together until the wizard unfortunately dropped them out of his pocket and didn't seemed to realise it until it was too late; the dwarves were gone and lost in the Shire.

Hopeless, they had climbed all the way up the highest hill, where no nosy Hobbit seemed to venture. After a cold night sitting close to each other to stay safe and warm, they had been luckily found by Bilbo who was still unaware of the grim curse that was turning them each passing day colder and colder.

Days passed and so did Fall and Winter. Bilbo got used to this odd company, laughing more than he did in the past years at the merriness of those three friendly gnomes, singing along with them as they played their tiny instruments. Gone was the oh so coldly polite respectable Hobbit; Bilbo now liked to go on long walk and venture around the Shire, his three protectors in his coat's pocket.

He was particularly fond of Thorin, and as the first day of spring came, found himself musing that it would have been lovely if the gnome had been Hobbit sized. But one terrible morning came where Bilbo woke up, only to find his drawer empty.

Alarmed, he went through his house, bedroom after bedroom, calling for Thorin, Fili and Kili. Panicked, he ran outside, ignoring the cloudless sky and the singing birds, only wishing to find his friends.

As her ran to the oak tree where he had built a tiny guarding stand for the two brothers, Bilbo bumped into something and fell face into the mud. Rubbing his sore nose, he turned his head and was horrified to find the three Durins standing here, now grey and hard like stone, expressionless.

The thing he had bumped into was actually Thorin, and Bilbo found himself mourning for his beloved gnome as he picked him up gently.

"Oh, Thorin!" He said, resting his forehead against Thorin's cold one. "What happened to you? And Fili, and Kili!" He said, his heart sinking in his chest, as he picked up the two other gnomes and hugged them tightly.

Tears appeared in his eyes as he kissed Thorin's nose, and the salty pearls fell on the three statues.

Suddenly, Bilbo felt something warm under his fingers and he dropped them with a gasp as the three garden gnomes became colourful and lively again and began to grow, grow, grow, until they reached the size of a tall Hobbit.

"Oh!" Bilbo said, in shock, as he realised that the three Durins were actually dwarves.

"Bilbo!" Thorin said with the warmest smile Bilbo had ever seen on his face. "You saved us!" And Bilbo found himself brought into a tight, welcoming embrace.

"I knew you could break up this spell!" Kili said with a laugh as he and his brother joined the hug.

"Didn't I tell you, Master Dwarf? True Love always win." Said a voice behind them, and they all turned to see Gandalf the Gray standing here, an amused smile on his face. "Bilbo, my friend!"

"Gandalf!" Bilbo said, surprised; he hadn't seen his old friend in quite a long time.

"So this was your plan all along, then." Thorin said with a frown and the wizard laughed but said nothing. But then, Thorin's eyes fell on Bilbo again and his features soften. "You saved us." He repeated again fondly.

"Well, I suppose I did." Bilbo said with a little giggle. And just like Bilbo had done before, Thorin kissed our dear Hobbit's forehead as his dear nephews gasped and cheered loudly.

And though he couldn't consider himself a respectable Hobbit anymore now that he will become the consort of the future King under the Mountain, Bilbo realised that he didn't mind at all.


End file.
